Hi my loves,
I can't believe how quickly time flies. I had truly hoped to post a monthly love memo but our lives are never linear and sometimes you just need to listen and attend to your own needs by getting the oxygen mask on first!
The truth is I actually needed time to integrate all my experiences and learnings from my recent Trauma training. I needed time to switch off and sift through what had served me and what did not. I am so glad I took that time as I now feel much clearer on my take-aways.
Like many of you I chose a word this year and mine was CREATE. Oprah recently commented that she no longer chooses a word because it invokes the opposite meaning of that word too. The opposite of CREATE is DISMANTLE.
While I was holidaying in New Zealand in January I had an 'in your face' experience with 'part' of myself that was becoming a liability to my health and wellbeing.
Her mantra was "Jump in and work it out as you go along". I was a classic Kolbe "quick starter."
My quick starter has definitely served me, I truly don't believe I would be sitting here in Australia if she hadn't just leapt in. But as I transitioned through Menopause it became apparent that I had an exhausted and vulnerable nervous system that was completely 'done' with the adrenaline highs, and a new wisdom was asking for some serious fact finding first.
It is never easy looking at a part of you that can be destructive or dismantling the stories we have identified with. The murky shadowlands are the ego's least favourite place to hang out. As I pulled the 'quick starter' in for closer inspection I could really see how she had been part of my survival dance, the search for a good and safe home to nest and raise my children. But she was also a 'productivity' junkie, always trying out new things, pushing ahead, the classic alpha male energy that is relentless in its pursuit of fulfilment. During this process so much grief came up for the wild rides she longed for and for the places she wanted to travel to, which I knew deep in my heart would not serve me or humanity. It was a gruelling and painful process. For more information on this process check out Internal Family Systems.
As she integrated back into me, my creative spark came back and I am currently surrounded by magazines and glue sticks as my soul collage® informs my deeper truth and longings.
To that end I will be taking a sabbatical for 3-4 months. I am unsure of the capacity in which I will return at this stage, but as always I am deeply grateful for the love and support you have shown me.
ps. For those of you who have purchased a reading, or a TRTP package I will absolutely honour that divine contract.